I have some family members who are dealing with some very difficult health related issues right now. It's the kind of stuff that just makes you wonder how life can sometimes seem to be so cruel and unfair.
I've been monitoring a text thread that's been circulating for a few weeks that has kept several of us up to date on what's happening. I read each one but have pretty much been in the intake mode with little to respond to.
Then yesterday I have a text exchange with one of the principals involved in the issue and I could "hear" something different. And the word earthquake was used because the person knew I would get it immediately.
I was in my office and I sat there and stared at the phone for awhile. I reread the text several times. And then I started talking to myself.
Okay, Ken, this is a real big issue and people that are closest to it are really feeling it.
Okay, Ken, you have been telling yourself that when this kind of thing pops up you are going to at least make the effort to reach out and see what you can do.
Okay, Ken, here you are staring at your phone, what are you going to do now? You going to find some rationalization for not calling?
'Oh, she's got so much on her mind right now, another call would just be a bother.'
'Oh she's got my number, I'm sure she'll call me if she thinks I can help.'
'Oh, this is such a difficult situation, the closer I get to it the more draining it will be for me too.'
So I texted her and asked if she had time to talk, which we did about 30 minutes later.
She's a lot like me. A businesswoman. Smart. Driven. Has always, and will always, step up to the plate and bear the burden.
So we talked. First she went through the beginning of the issue in more detail and that was helpful to hear. The health issue is not hers, but with a family member so close that it might as well be hers.
I listened and then I asked 'How are you?' She then proceeded to recite a bunch of medical particulars, sounding more like a doc giving a patient update than a stressed out family member. So I interrupted and said you know, that's all interesting, but that's not what I asked. I asked how YOU were.
And then came the tears. And then a good talk. And a revisit of some ancient but very relevant history of hers. And an admission that this event is now dredging up all those old memories. And the sleep troubles. And the fears of the worst while hoping for the best. All the stuff we all go through.
It was a stark reality for me of what she is dealing with and made me so glad I called.
She asked for advice. I gave the best I could.
But the call took an overt decision on my part. Many of you would have called her two weeks ago. I'm grateful that the world has people like you in it. But I'm not naturally wired that way.
I'm working on it.
So I got tested. I would give myself a C but at least I think I passed.
I have pledged to myself that I am staying in the buggy with her on this one until it's settled. I am determined not to fail her, but just as importantly to not fail myself.
What about you? Do you spot those tests when they show up? Can you look yourself in the mirror every day and give yourself a passing grade?
If not what are you doing about it?
KS
I've been monitoring a text thread that's been circulating for a few weeks that has kept several of us up to date on what's happening. I read each one but have pretty much been in the intake mode with little to respond to.
Then yesterday I have a text exchange with one of the principals involved in the issue and I could "hear" something different. And the word earthquake was used because the person knew I would get it immediately.
I was in my office and I sat there and stared at the phone for awhile. I reread the text several times. And then I started talking to myself.
Okay, Ken, this is a real big issue and people that are closest to it are really feeling it.
Okay, Ken, you have been telling yourself that when this kind of thing pops up you are going to at least make the effort to reach out and see what you can do.
Okay, Ken, here you are staring at your phone, what are you going to do now? You going to find some rationalization for not calling?
'Oh, she's got so much on her mind right now, another call would just be a bother.'
'Oh she's got my number, I'm sure she'll call me if she thinks I can help.'
'Oh, this is such a difficult situation, the closer I get to it the more draining it will be for me too.'
So I texted her and asked if she had time to talk, which we did about 30 minutes later.
She's a lot like me. A businesswoman. Smart. Driven. Has always, and will always, step up to the plate and bear the burden.
So we talked. First she went through the beginning of the issue in more detail and that was helpful to hear. The health issue is not hers, but with a family member so close that it might as well be hers.
I listened and then I asked 'How are you?' She then proceeded to recite a bunch of medical particulars, sounding more like a doc giving a patient update than a stressed out family member. So I interrupted and said you know, that's all interesting, but that's not what I asked. I asked how YOU were.
And then came the tears. And then a good talk. And a revisit of some ancient but very relevant history of hers. And an admission that this event is now dredging up all those old memories. And the sleep troubles. And the fears of the worst while hoping for the best. All the stuff we all go through.
It was a stark reality for me of what she is dealing with and made me so glad I called.
She asked for advice. I gave the best I could.
But the call took an overt decision on my part. Many of you would have called her two weeks ago. I'm grateful that the world has people like you in it. But I'm not naturally wired that way.
I'm working on it.
So I got tested. I would give myself a C but at least I think I passed.
I have pledged to myself that I am staying in the buggy with her on this one until it's settled. I am determined not to fail her, but just as importantly to not fail myself.
What about you? Do you spot those tests when they show up? Can you look yourself in the mirror every day and give yourself a passing grade?
If not what are you doing about it?
KS
I became very ill a few years back and it devastated my life for a few years but I firmly believe that it happened as a knock in the head for my very essence to change, to become more human, more loving more involved in my very life. Thank you Ken for this blog, it specks to me to the very depth of my soul.
ReplyDeleteI can see myself in this article, I want to help but can easily talk myself out of it. Next time I am in that situation, I will remember this blog.
ReplyDelete