I officially live here now. Kinda weird. Technically I live in Brentwood which is a south suburb where my daughter lives. In about 3 months I will officially live in Nolensville which is about 10 minutes southeast of here. Doesn't Nolensville sound very Tennessee-like? I feel like Mr. Haney should be showing up any minute now. If you're too young to know who that is go look it up.
I've had such an interesting array of emails in response to my blog. Lots of people have had an earthquake or two in their lives.
The most common thing they mention is how hard the Understanding part of the CURE is.
To recap CURE:
Confront
Understand
Rebuild
Evolve
I will try to explain my thinking on Understand.
First let's recognize that there might be things we simply won't ever understand.
In my case it is apparent that certain things will never be explained to me. They could be but they won't be.
If a loved one gets stricken with a terrible disease you'll never get an explanation as to why.
So it's hard to understand something that can't or won't be explained. Now what? Well I think you have to evaluate your options. Spend the rest of your life aggravated or angry because you can't or don't get an explanation? Someone said to me they don't want to forgive. I said you don't have to, that's up to you. But are you going to stay angry about it too?
If you want to stay mad, if you don't want to forgive, if you want to stay frustrated by lack of explanations, that's all your choice unless it starts to affect those that are closest to you.
If you start to let anger and vengeance eat at you, if you let cynicism and bitterness grow, then you have let the Earthquake tear at your foundation. A weak foundation just makes the rebuild that much tougher.
Listen, those of you who know me know that I will only hold your hand so long. I'll give as much opinion and information as I can but at some point you have to step up to the plate, face the issues, work through the tough things no matter how tough it is, and move on.
This may be the time for some of you.
Ask yourself Why am I mad? Who am I mad at? And What is it that really, really eats at me?
Then ask yourself this: When is it time to let go?
Why. Who. What. When.
You have to remember you simply may not get all the answers you want. Too bad. That may be the best understanding you get.
But you have a life to lead. You have people who count on you. They need 100% of you and you can't give that if some % of you spends some % of every day reliving past miseries.
Here's another tool you can use for the Why/Who/What exercise. Take a piece of paper and write down the most intimate, painful, awful details of the hurt. You'll hate it. It's a good form of Confrontation. But you might be surprised how therapeutic it is.
Take your shot, see what happens.
Remember: if you don't get past the Understanding, then you can't Rebuild and Evolve. And if you don't do that then you have let the s.o.b.'s win. You're not going to do that and participate in my blog at the same time. So make your choice. Them or me.
KS
Nashville Thinker
I've had such an interesting array of emails in response to my blog. Lots of people have had an earthquake or two in their lives.
The most common thing they mention is how hard the Understanding part of the CURE is.
To recap CURE:
Confront
Understand
Rebuild
Evolve
I will try to explain my thinking on Understand.
First let's recognize that there might be things we simply won't ever understand.
In my case it is apparent that certain things will never be explained to me. They could be but they won't be.
If a loved one gets stricken with a terrible disease you'll never get an explanation as to why.
So it's hard to understand something that can't or won't be explained. Now what? Well I think you have to evaluate your options. Spend the rest of your life aggravated or angry because you can't or don't get an explanation? Someone said to me they don't want to forgive. I said you don't have to, that's up to you. But are you going to stay angry about it too?
If you want to stay mad, if you don't want to forgive, if you want to stay frustrated by lack of explanations, that's all your choice unless it starts to affect those that are closest to you.
If you start to let anger and vengeance eat at you, if you let cynicism and bitterness grow, then you have let the Earthquake tear at your foundation. A weak foundation just makes the rebuild that much tougher.
Listen, those of you who know me know that I will only hold your hand so long. I'll give as much opinion and information as I can but at some point you have to step up to the plate, face the issues, work through the tough things no matter how tough it is, and move on.
This may be the time for some of you.
Ask yourself Why am I mad? Who am I mad at? And What is it that really, really eats at me?
Then ask yourself this: When is it time to let go?
Why. Who. What. When.
You have to remember you simply may not get all the answers you want. Too bad. That may be the best understanding you get.
But you have a life to lead. You have people who count on you. They need 100% of you and you can't give that if some % of you spends some % of every day reliving past miseries.
Here's another tool you can use for the Why/Who/What exercise. Take a piece of paper and write down the most intimate, painful, awful details of the hurt. You'll hate it. It's a good form of Confrontation. But you might be surprised how therapeutic it is.
Take your shot, see what happens.
Remember: if you don't get past the Understanding, then you can't Rebuild and Evolve. And if you don't do that then you have let the s.o.b.'s win. You're not going to do that and participate in my blog at the same time. So make your choice. Them or me.
KS
Nashville Thinker
I won. Love your blog
ReplyDeleteWay to go Sue. Now do something with your victory.
ReplyDelete