Thoughts So Far

I've had several emails from people in response to the Emotional Earthquake: CURE concept.

In most cases the person described to me something very specific that has happened in their life and where they thought they were in the CURE process.

In one case she had basically skipped over the Understand because it involved a horrible disease that afflicted a family member. She found it impossible to understand so why bother.

I get that but I think it's worth more discussion.

To me the Understand piece is the hardest piece especially if it involves the seeming randomness of disease. I always think about that when I hear stories of kids getting serious illnesses. I just can't stomach it. How can it be that an innocent child should be asked to bear such a burden?

In my mind the Understand component is not just understanding the mechanics of the crisis. Sometimes there will be specific people or actions that we can absolutely understand and sometimes there won't be.

But it's important to understand the What of the effect on you even if you may never understand the Why of the problem.

Some people approach this from a religious perspective. In the face on the incomprehensible they turn to God and find peace in doing so. Some people get angry at God in the very same situation. I'm not a theologian and won't try to settle that debate. It's personal. You make your choice.

Regardless of the method you choose you need to reach some kind of understanding about what has happened in order to find your own form of peace. Absent that you risk chronic anger which can easily devolve into cynicism and bitterness over time.

Somebody said to me 'Well, what if I just want to be mad for awhile?' That's okay for awhile, maybe even healthy I suppose. But you have to remember that our own emotional state always has an effect on those around us. When does continuing to be mad turn into an emotional selfishness that has a negative effect on others?

When you are settling into an airline seat they do the safety review. They explain that in case of a loss of cabin pressure you will see a mask drop down in front of you. They make a point of saying that if you are with a child or someone who needs assistance make sure you get your mask on before you help the other person.

In other words you can't do much for others if you don't get yourself squared away first. I think the Understand step is a big part of that. Even when disease is involved you may need to think through what it means, who are you mad at, are you worried the same disease might hit you some day, etc.

If in the end you don't come to any resolution so be it. But give it a shot.

Make sure you get your mask in place and then go help someone else.

KS