Final Comments from Illinois

I didn't intend to write anything else about Decatur. I felt it violated my self imposed rule about looking ahead not behind.
While driving today I realized that there is still one topic to cover before I close this chapter. I need to thank a very small group of people.
It seems like such a cliche to say that you really find out who you can count on when disaster strikes.
It would be a cliche except for the fact that it's true.
I cannot single you out by name. I would be afraid of leaving someone out and some of you would be left in a vulnerable position if you were to be identified.
I hope you know who you are.
You're the ones who called me when I wouldn't take calls.
You're the ones who emailed and texted me when I didn't really want to answer.
You're the ones who tried to see me when I didn't want to be seen.
You're the ones who had coffee or lunch with me.
You're the ones who sent such beautiful cards and notes.
You're the ones who somehow seemed to find excuses to "drop by" occasionally.
You're the ones who just kept on checking on me, whether I thought I needed to be checked on or not. I needed it.
Many people in such circumstances don't bother because they know how difficult the situation is, they're not sure what to do or what to say.
The difference is you tried and you figured it out.
Many years ago I told my wife what I wanted on my tombstone when the time comes:
     "He showed up every day and did the best he could."
I like it and I feel it suits me.
So let me turn it around and send it as a compliment to you:
When I needed it most, you showed up and did the best you could.
That will be the last I speak of my past but it will not be the last that I am grateful for you.
Thank you.
KS

Blog Update

This blog has been an interesting experience for me. I didn't, and I guess still don't, really know what the heck I was getting into or where it would lead.
I passed 10, 000 page views yesterday which sure seems like a lot to me. When I first started writing I wondered if anybody would even care to look. Now I wonder every day if anyone will come back and look a second time. Always something to worry about I guess.
I've had more emails than comments, a lot of people feel more comfortable communicating with me that way than publicly, which is fine of course. I like hearing from you regardless of the method.
Going back on Facebook definitely helped and I've been surprised at the steady number of friend requests I keep getting every day.
I will spend most of today driving so this will be my only post unless the driving time leads to something more substantive.
I would appreciate any suggestions or questions any of you might have on topics. Things rolling around in my head include optimism/pessimism, gratitude, and the various steps in the CURE.
I have some research to do on some of those, and some thinking of course, but any thoughts from you are greatly appreciated.
Enjoy your Sunday. A little cloudy down here right now but I was grilling on the patio at 730 last night in shorts and sandals. :))
KS
Nashville Thinker

Post Traumatic Stress vs. Post Traumatic Growth

 We know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. 

• Romans 5:1-5

In 2005 an awful series of events started when an outside federal agency decided to give extra attention to my then employer. I was a particular focus of that extra attention. Given my very visible role as CEO, and the visibility of my employer within the community,  this series of events did not stay under the public radar as it might in a larger city. Believe it or not I actually retained a criminal defense lawyer, not because I ever believed I did anything wrong, but because both friends and employer encouraged me to not leave anything to chance. I remember interviewing 3 of them in Chicago with a lawyer/friend as an adviser and asking myself exactly what the hell am I doing here??!!

As a result I went through the worst two years of my professional career. I recall now what I did not recognize then as symptoms of depression. Not sleeping at all or wanting to sleep all the time. Social avoidance. Lethargy. I would even leave the lights off in my office and justify it by saying I got plenty of light from the big windows. I must have been awful to be around. Someone organized a support effort on my behalf and a collection of very kind, thoughtful handwritten notes started to appear on my desk. I will never forget them.

My outside "friends" slowly started drifting away in 2007 and finally in 2010 they ended the process by asking if we wanted our records shredded or returned. I resisted the temptation, at our lawyer's urging/begging, to suggest something else they could do with our records.

So finally it was over and I could get back to work. Then about one or two years later I started having this weird constellation of symptoms. Disturbed sleep, edginess, occasional loss of appetite, things like that.

I did what patients do all the time: got on the net and started researching my symptoms. I self diagnosed Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I thought, no way, this is a combat thing, not an office thing.

A friend suggested I see a therapist. I thought, no way, I'm not that weirded out. And then I went any way.

I described everything to her and she agreed with my diagnosis. She also thought I understood the what and why of my circumstances, felt I had a good handle on things, and simply suggested I come back as needed. That made me feel better, the symptoms went away, and I never saw her again.

Some of those symptoms starting occurring again in 2015 as I felt some of the pre-quake tremors in my life but they never got to an acute level. I just noticed them.

Then of course the earthquake hit.

My response to this series of events has been very positively different from the events of 2005 and I've been trying to figure out why.

I think it's a combination of things.

1. I think that surviving 2005 helped. What doesn't kill us only makes us stronger, huh?

2. I see in retrospect that there was no real finality in 2010. No one ever accused me/us of doing something that we could then defend ourselves against and settle the question. And no one every said we were perfectly clear either. When you get accused and your accusers simply disappear some day what are you left with?

3. Researchers describe assimilation vs. accommodation when dealing with a traumatic event. Briefly,  assimilation means you recover but don't grow. Accommodation comes in a negative and positive form. Negative accommodation can lead to hopelessness and fatalism, but positive accommodation leads to post traumatic growth. You gain something positive from something very negative.

It's clear to me I simply assimilated events of 2005-2010. I didn't go back to the therapist to work through it because I thought i had it figured out. I couldn't do something like this blog because it was a topic that was verboten. So it sat there.

This time is very different. I had to deal with the same awkward public viewing of my live body. But this had finality to it. Whether I liked the finality or not I knew exactly what my circumstances were.

And the finality brought the freedom to blog, to move, to do something new.

So there is a real difference between these two ways of responding to earthquakes and fortunately I've experienced both.

My goal is to keep researching, reading, thinking, writing, in the hope that I can help someone else and thus help myself through this lifelong process.

KS

Nashville Thinker

Thoughts So Far

I've had several emails from people in response to the Emotional Earthquake: CURE concept.

In most cases the person described to me something very specific that has happened in their life and where they thought they were in the CURE process.

In one case she had basically skipped over the Understand because it involved a horrible disease that afflicted a family member. She found it impossible to understand so why bother.

I get that but I think it's worth more discussion.

To me the Understand piece is the hardest piece especially if it involves the seeming randomness of disease. I always think about that when I hear stories of kids getting serious illnesses. I just can't stomach it. How can it be that an innocent child should be asked to bear such a burden?

In my mind the Understand component is not just understanding the mechanics of the crisis. Sometimes there will be specific people or actions that we can absolutely understand and sometimes there won't be.

But it's important to understand the What of the effect on you even if you may never understand the Why of the problem.

Some people approach this from a religious perspective. In the face on the incomprehensible they turn to God and find peace in doing so. Some people get angry at God in the very same situation. I'm not a theologian and won't try to settle that debate. It's personal. You make your choice.

Regardless of the method you choose you need to reach some kind of understanding about what has happened in order to find your own form of peace. Absent that you risk chronic anger which can easily devolve into cynicism and bitterness over time.

Somebody said to me 'Well, what if I just want to be mad for awhile?' That's okay for awhile, maybe even healthy I suppose. But you have to remember that our own emotional state always has an effect on those around us. When does continuing to be mad turn into an emotional selfishness that has a negative effect on others?

When you are settling into an airline seat they do the safety review. They explain that in case of a loss of cabin pressure you will see a mask drop down in front of you. They make a point of saying that if you are with a child or someone who needs assistance make sure you get your mask on before you help the other person.

In other words you can't do much for others if you don't get yourself squared away first. I think the Understand step is a big part of that. Even when disease is involved you may need to think through what it means, who are you mad at, are you worried the same disease might hit you some day, etc.

If in the end you don't come to any resolution so be it. But give it a shot.

Make sure you get your mask in place and then go help someone else.

KS

Life Update

We are in the final stages of moving. Everything not going to Nashville is already in a storage facility down there, or sold, trashed or given away.
Movers arrive at 0830 Monday, Feb. 1, to load the big stuff that gets relocated down South. Y'all.
We leave Monday afternoon to spend the night in St. Louis with Terri's dad Sam, then drive to Nashville Tuesday morning and that's that.
Terri is more emotional about all this than I am. Maybe I will be later but it doesn't feel like it. This is all business to me. Play the hand you're dealt. Get yourself back to where you're the dealer as soon as you can. That's that.
I'm very happy with the direction my brain is headed with emotional earthquakes.
I secured two more domain names yesterday as I start to get a feel for how all this might be structured. I am going to construct two different curricula. The first will be emotional earthquakes and I already have the ideas in place for about 8 units. I think 10 units seems about right. That one will be aimed at those people struggling to overcome some adversity.
The second will be for those who complete the first and want to do more or for those who simply aspire to do some more things in their life. I won't give you the name for that one yet but it is one of the domains I now have in my possession. That one will also have the ability to be purely personally focused or go a slightly different route for those that want to use it in a business setting.
I will set up a website so people can take the courses online if they choose. The basic format is a video intro by me for each discussion topic followed by an exercise followed by an online discussion. Granted online "discussions" are a little different but they're pretty common these days. It will at least afford an opportunity for Q&A with me and other participants on the topic at hand.
What I really want to do is offer the courses live. The online stuff helps people access the material but it doesn't give me the chance to interact the way I like to do.
Hopefully the very first place I teach it will be in good ol' Decatur, Illinois.
I figure why not? A lot of people know me. A LOT of people have heard me talk on different topics. It will be a good place for me to launch and see how it goes. I'll be back as Arnold famously said.
My schedule will roughly be Uber from 4am-9am (unless I get my mowing job!!), Then I will go to my son in law's office and work on these projects. I have to get some exercise time back in there most days. And then depending on the day I might Uber again in the afternoon. We'll see.
Occasionally, on some nice warm Tennessee afternoons, I might sneak in a cigar.
I am serious about the courses. I've done a lot of creative thinking. It seems like the more things I come up with the more things I come up with.  I've already had some spontaneous positive feedback that I appreciate. But like any other creator/inventor just because you fall in love with your own child doesn't mean others will. I am fully committed to the effort. I am fully committed to the What even though I don't really yet know the How. I'm on it baby.
KS

My Plans So Far

Here's what I'm working on right now. The last part I will go through in some detail and I would welcome your comments and suggestions on it or anything else.
I am soon going to set up a separate corporation for consulting services. Big surprise, it will be called Independent Thinker Consulting.
I bought a domain name tonight, Nashvillethinker.com. I also have a new email set up now, Ken@NashvilleThinker.com. I will still use my gmail but will start migrating to the new email soon so if you need to reach me try it out. I suppose a website is in my future.
I told you earlier that I get great satisfaction from helping others succeed in life and business.
My son in law owns a staffing and recruiting firm in Nashville and there may be some opportunity to use some of the things I know to add value and grow the office.
Step one is for me to get re-certified as a Gallup Strengths coach. I mentioned that system in an earlier post. I never bothered with the re-cert before because it didn't really matter since I only used the material on an internal organizational basis. However when you are presenting it to a prospective customer certifications matter so I need to get that done. I think I can do it on line and avoid a trip to Omaha. Either way I'm looking forward to it, I know I will learn something new even though I feel very proficient in the Gallup material. There are no certified Gallup strengths coaches in Tennessee.
Strengthsfinder is never used as a hiring tool. It has no predictive value in regards to performance. However it an an excellent way of understanding behaviors and settings in which a person may do well or poorly. I have found it particularly useful in working with groups of 10-20 people who spend a lot of time together.

Step two is to get certified in another methodology called DISC. Chris sees this a lot in the marketplace, especially among HR and sales professionals.

DISC stands for:
Dominance
Influence
Steadiness
Conscientiousness

There is an assessment tool that leads to understanding which of those 4 quadrants a person is likely to fall within and the workplace ramifications of those quadrants.
I have read some comparative studies of DISC and Gallup and there are some differences and some similarities. Chris thinks being trained in both will be an advantage for me and a plus for the office.
I'm excited about this. I love learning new things like this, I have always liked the Gallup work, and this feels like something that suits me.
In this case it appears I will have to travel to Scottsdale for training. Scottsdale? In the winter? Oh no!!

Step three is an idea that I have been conjuring up lately. Obviously I'm not the only one in the world who has had to deal with major disruptions in their life. And job related disruptions are not the only ones that occur. So I started thinking about how I could use what I have been through, what I have learned, along with my teaching skills, to create a course that others might benefit from.
The title is:

Emotional Earthquakes: Loss of Lives, Loves, and Livelihoods.
Loss of Lives means the death of someone important to you.
Loss of Loves means the loss of a relationship, a painful divorce, or something along those lines.
Loss of Livelihoods means jobs of course, firings, downsizing, whatever the reason may be.
All are Emotional Earthquakes, they rattle you, they shake you to your foundations, they make you worry about what might come next.
So next comes the CURE.
C=Confront
U=Understand
R=Rebuild
E=Evolve

Confront
You must Confront your reality. Often people want to ignore it, deny it, hide it. No way. You have to look that sucker in the FACE. This is IT, for better or worse.

Understand
Usually there is something in particular that sticks in your craw. You're mad at a particular person, or a particular thing they did, you're mad at God, whatever. You have to try and Understand what that  issue is so you can resolve it and get past it.

Rebuild
Then you start the Rebuild. What are the things that make up your foundation? If they're weak then strengthen them. If they're strong you need to spell them out to yourself and lean on them.

Evolve
And then Evolve. There is no reset button in life. You can't put things back like they were. You're different now and your life is different so deal with it. Where and what are you headed to and how are you going to get there?
I envision this as a 2-4 hour class that would involve exercise at each step of the way aimed at helping each person chart their own course.

So this is where I need your help. I love this idea but everybody loves their own child so I can't go by my opinion alone,
Any merit to this? Would anybody even be interested? Would they take something like this?
Does my construct have any connection to reality?
Please, please, please, give me comments on this. If you don't want others to see what you say then email or call me.

Hello Anonymous

I've started to get a few comments that have no business being here which is why I deleted them.
Some of the anonymous comments are from people that need to stay anonymous to protect themselves. Often they leave word clues that allow me to understand who they are and I have no problem with that. In fact I enjoy hearing what they have to say.
However if you read my profile statement you will see that I anticipated the appearance of the gossips and jerks and sure enough here they are.
So let's be clear about something here.
This is my blog.
I control what gets said and who says it.
If you follow my posts you can clearly see that I am moving on with my life. If you are incapable or unwilling to move on with me then I have no interest in hearing from you.
My email is kskens37@gmail.com. If you have trouble understanding what I just said contact me directly, include your name and contact info, and I will do everything I can to make it crystal clear to you.
Got that??
KS

Workouts

I have not really worked out since about April, 2015. Those of you who know me will be stunned by that but those of you from my former gym know that I essentially dropped off the map last spring.
My work and travel schedule was such that I had neither the time nor the energy to hit it properly. Bad approach I know, but that's the approach I took.
So now I need to get back in it.
Our permanent place in Nolensville won't be ready to move in until the end of April.
Until then we will live with our daughter and her family about 10 minutes away. I don't know if I will join any kind of gym down there or not. It won't be CrossFit if I do, unless I could possibly find just the right place that could tolerate my modified approach and basically let me do my own thing. That's unlikely but you never know.
There are some "ironhead" gyms in Nashville that have some appeal to me but that's also not really me in the long haul. If I could find the right boxing gym I would go that route for awhile, I love boxing conditioning and a little ring time would be fun for an old guy. There are plenty of standard gyms and rec centers but I have to get in to them and actually see what kind of equipment they have.
I still toy with the idea of opening something on my own. I haven't given up on the idea yet.
It would be called Independent Thinkers Gym. Pretty original huh? In other words it would be owned by an Independent Thinker and only Independent Thinkers would be allowed to join.
We would have to interview each other first. There would be no contracts. You would pay weekly, in cash. I think all the e-commerce stuff has removed an important component from commercial transactions, the part where buyer and seller look each other in the eye and agree that they are reaching a fair deal.
So every Monday you would stand in front of me and we would both decide if it was worth spending another week in the gym together. If you think not you don't offer the money. If I think not I don't take it.
I would tell you everything you want to know about my opinions on conditioning. You decide what you like or don't like, what you want to do and don't want to do, and what your goals are.
I'm not your Dad.
I'm not your cult leader.
You are an independent thinker.
This is America.
Make some decisions.
I am here to help you get done what YOU decide you want to get done.
Think Right. Train Right. Eat Right. I think those are the key components and they should occur in that order. Eating only gets fixed after your mind and body start to feel good enough to do something about it.
But in the meantime I need to get my own sorry ass doing something so here's the approach to start.
A lift, a strongman event, and some version of interval training 3-4 days per week. Add in some extended walks. Do as much outside as possible.
I have some weights but no rack so heavy squats are out as are heavy deadlifts. That's ok, lots of other stuff I can do.
An example workout would be strict presses, farmers carry, and hill sprints.
I love strict presses. They are great for the shoulders of course but the whole torso as well. They're rarely done and rarely taught, except in CrossFit gyms, for which Glassman deserves all due credit.
I should really say carries instead of farmer's carry.  Any carry of any object qualifies, just vary the weight and the distance.
My daugher lives halfway down a hill. I would estimate it to be 50 yards or so up to the stop sign. Sprint up, walk down, repeat.
I have a 48lb. weight vest that comes in handy.
I probably need to buy a sled.
I have the pulling hardness already.
I'm also going to restart the Turkish get ups. What an absolutely underutilized strength building exercise. It's so simple to do but most people don't even know what it is. You can do low weight high reps, or go for one 1RM, just like any other lift. It will give you a real lesson on balance and the difference between your dominant and non dominant sides.
That will get me started. We will see what happens from there. The gym thing I just don't know yet. It's too early to jump into something like that. But on the other hand......
KS

Uber Advice from Uber Ken

As I mentioned Nashville had a legit snow storm last week and I had a legit Uber experience.
I learned a lot about how to work Uber from the driver point of view and how customers do the same, both intentionally and unintentionally.
I have some tips for those of you who use the service.
First, please realize that there are some people out there driving half for fun and half for money like me but the vast majority count on Uber as a big part of their income which means they count on you.
1. Track your driver and at least be on the look out for him from the inside and ideally be outside where he can see you. This is especially true in an apartment complex or at a mall where you can spot him since you know his vehicle but he has no way to spot you.
2. Since the app tells you when she will arrive and allows you to track her progress, be ready. Uber has made people feel like it's a chauffeur service and the driver should just wait. I have already put in a 6 minute rule. I feel it's reasonable to wait 5 minutes for someone(though I really don't) and I added a 1 minute grace period. After that I'm gone, good luck next time.
3. Don't ask him to make an extra stop. I had people ask me to take a friend home, stop by a grocery, and stop by a liquor store.  Weather circumstances were extraordinary so I made some allowances, and the style of the request and the nature of the customer always matter, but extra stops take extra time for which a driver is not paid. It's unfair of you to expect it and you shouldn't. I have already become much more of a hardliner on that issue because I had to.
4. If there are some special navigational instructions please text or call the driver. I had a number of people do that and it helps a lot. In some cases I stayed on the phone and they literally guided me through their streets to the right stop.
5. Tips matter. I know Uber says they're not necessary and they're not, but they matter, especially on the short little hops. If a driver has a $5.00 fare then a $1.00 tip is a big addition and it won't kill you.
I drove 12 hours on Thursday at standard Uber rates, pleasantly surprising people in my 4WD F150. Sometimes only my vehicle could have gotten them where they needed to be and they said as much. Not a single dollar all day long, not one. You know who tipped me after Thursday, Friday, and
Saturday? The solider that I took from the airport to Ft. Campbell, KY, 75 miles one way. I didn't WANT his tip but me basically forced it on me.
6. Don't complain about surge pricing. For many drivers, me included, surge pricing is the only reason we show up where you are at the time you want us. Weather is bad, or you're far away, or everybody wants a ride, and there aren't enough drivers. Surge pricing fixes it and I watch the color coded map on the drivers app as the system works in real life. Price look too high for you? Drive yourself then.
7. Don't cancel unless you absolutely have to. A driver changes directions, commits to you thus losing chances for other rides, gets half way there and you bail. Thanks a lot. At least one guy called to tell me and apologize but....
So there you go. I think it's a good service, I think it beats taxis usually, and I intend to keep doing it. But take a moment to think about it from the driver's point of view.
Thanks
KS

Mowing

Typically when people talk about free time they are referring to time when they are not working. Technically it's true in that if no one is paying for your time then it is, by definition, free.
In my case, and for many of you, the job was always with me. There were many times when it was all encompassing and I would remind myself and my wife that 'They buy my time.' Boy, did they ever.
I live on 10 acres of land, or at least I will for another week. I mow about 5 acres of it and it typically takes 4 hours or so. I loved it for two reasons.
First, almost every tree and bush has been planted by me. I know what they are, where they are, what they do, and why they do it. I spot small shoots a foot away from the parent, I mow around it, I let it grow. A mowing service would go right over it and I could never stomach the thought.
Second, and more importantly, I now understand that my time on the mower was the closest I ever got to free time. I could just mow and think. Mow and think. Mow and think. Sometimes I would shut the mower off and sit and stare and think. Sit and stare and think. Sit and stare and think.
The only other time I could do much of that was on driving trips but those were so often interrupted by the phone.
Some of you are familiar with the Gallup Strengthsfinder process. I must have taught that stuff to 10, 000 people over the years and I'm not kidding. I think its's very useful.
Gallup has identified 34 personality traits, or strengths, and they use a questionnaire to help you see how the 34 rank for you. They fall into 4 categories: Thinking, Striving, Relating, and Impacting. No surprise that most of my top strengths are in the thinking category. That means my thinking process never stops, it's really just a question of finding the time to process the thinking into something useful. I never had much of that time.
So now I spend a lot of time thinking. I may have an opportunity to do some kind of adult life preparedness course and I think about that one a lot. I think it may suit me, we shall see.
But the point of all this is that yesterday, during the first hour of a return drive to Illinois from Nashville, I came up with a clear concept for the course, a title, and a mechanism I think I can use to help people navigate their way through turmoil. All that happened because I just sat behind the wheel thinking.
Last week Nashville had the biggest snowstorm since 2003. I thought it was a perfect opportunity to go Uber Ken to the max with my 4 wheel drive F150. So I started Ubering at 4am Thursday morning and didn't stop till 12 hours later. I did another 6-7 hours on Friday and more on Saturday. I was Uber-ed out.
I helped a lot of people and derived satisfaction (and money) from it but I realized I do no thinking during Uber driving. It's a job, I have a customer, I'm monitoring the GPS, the app is pinging, etc.
Which brings me back to mowing. I asked my son in law Chris to inquire at his golf course about summer mowing work for me. They might have an opening mid spring. I really want a job like that. More than Uber. More than vitamins. More than the baseball park. I understand now that time on that mower will be some of my most productive thinking time. I would just about do it for free but I don't think I'll tell the guy that. Fairway. Mow. Think. Fairway. Mow. Think.
I wouldn't suggest to any of you that you take my current pathway to more thinking time. I wouldn't have chosen it either. Certainly my thinking processes contributed to my success in my prior life but my prior life also dramatically limited my ability to see how far and in what direction my unfettered thinking process might take me. Now I have that chance and I'm going to take advantage of it.
 I know I can do it, I've done it all my life, it's just that I've always done it in an organizational structure. My brain, their structure. Now it's my brain, my structure.
I'm going to think, and I'm going to create things. I just don't know what yet, lol.
There is a simple psychological concept at play here: You must be willing to commit to the What before you know the How.
Get that? Most people are afraid of the risk, the unknown, the possibility of failure. They will not mentally and emotionally commit to something big until they know exactly how it's going to get done. And yet failure to fully commit to the What keeps them from fully committing to the effort to figure out the How. There is a tension that gets created by the gap between the aspiration and its achievement. The tension always gets resolved: either get it done or give it up. Make your choice.
 I am fully committed to the What of my thinking and creating. I will inform you of the How as it occurs.
Now where is my mower?
KS

Job/Career/Calling

I used to teach a lot of classes around organizational culture, personal development, positivity, and the such.
Job/Career/Calling was a common tool used to get people to think about why they did what they did from a work point of view.
The simple version is this:
It's a Job when your body comes.
It's a Career when your mind shows up.
It's a Calling when your heart is there too.
It's pretty straightforward and it always seemed to resonate with people.
Over time I realized that a Calling is not necessarily the specific work you do but how you do it.
In other words you may have a calling to serve others, have a dead end job in a restaurant that you despise, yet manifest your calling to service in the daily performance of your duties.
I think many people enter a profession with a sense of calling, even if they don't articulate it that way at the time, but it gets lost over time. The Calling becomes A Job. The daily effort becomes something to run from rather than to each day. Healthcare, education, and law enforcement come to mind.
I dropped out of high school after my junior year. No need to go any longer, I pretty well knew everything thank you.
So the summer of 1972 I'm driving down a street in St Louis and suddenly to the right there they were: Army-Navy-Air Force recruiting stations. I pulled over and took the vacant space in front of the Navy office, fully intending to visit all three.
The Chief tested me and I remember him being amazed at the difference between my actual test scores and my physical appearance. Remember, hippie stuff was still in and I was oh so cool. OMG.
I'm so glad there are not many pictures around from those days.
Much to his amazement, he said well I guess you can choose any Navy school you want.

                                      (Around Dec. 1972, San Diego Naval Training Center)
He gave me this big book, it seemed like a Sears catalog to me, and I leafed through it. It had everything from Boiler Tech to Machinists Mate to this thing called Hospital Corpsman. I said 'what's a Corpse Man?" He said 'Coreman.' It's what the Navy calls it's medics. I said ok I'll do that.
I'm a 17 year old moron at the time. I wasn't stupid and in fact I was such a voracious reader on a wide variety of topics that I knew a lot more stuff than anybody really understood. But why after going through the catalog of every single job you could do in the U.S. Navy did I choose Corpsman?
Some kind of Calling thing? Or just the usual thing that happens when we start to gravitate toward whatever interests us?
To this day I get my greatest satisfaction from helping other people. First it was on the patient care side, as a Corpsman (apparently the Navy is going gender neutral so that title will become Corpsperson?) and then as a P.A. Later it became important to me on the business side as I helped young managers.
Maybe my calling was service, I don't know. Frankly it sounds a little too self congratulatory for my taste. No machine is capable of understanding itself, including humans, so I'm not sure I can make the call on my own calling.
But it is easy to see how years of the grind can turn a Calling into a Job. It's also easy to see how particular events at particular times of your life could even turn you away from your field.
I feel some of that for healthcare now. I don't have any fire to do that work even though I am absolutely certain of my capabilities. I believe I could walk into any hospital right now and do things to start improving it.
As a result I seek the Calling through other paths. Maybe that's a good thing. As I said earlier it's not so much the job as it is how you express what's important to you.
Maybe it will change. Maybe some kind of healthcare urge will hit me, I'm just now sure.
But what about you? What are you doing today? Why are you doing it? If you've been at it a long time as a nurse, or a teacher, or a cop, is it just a job? If so why?
Have you let circumstances or other people steal your calling and your happiness from you?
Why don't you do something about it?

Uber Ken

I had my first full Uber experience today. Snow was forecast and I knew it would paralyze Nashville as it does most southern cities. Plus demand would go up, surge pricing would go into effect, my 4WD truck would have no trouble, so a perfect scenario for me.
Uber has a pretty sophisticated system. The app shows the metro area map and it becomes color coded as demand exceeds driver supply in a given area. So a given area might suddenly yield charges of say 1.5 times normal until all customer demand has been met. On New Year's Eve for example it went as high as 5X normal pricing.
So I started at 5AM this morning and went until about 9AM, then went again at 3PM until about 730PM.
It was a fairly busy day.
I learned that morning Uber is very different from evening Uber. This morning was all single passengers, people going to work or the airport. This evening was couples or groups of girls going out.
The morning people were easily engaged in conversation, the evening people engaged each other. In the morning I felt like a driver, in the evening I felt like a cabbie. I didn't care for it.
I made 3 trips to the airport. Guys going to Orlando, Palm Springs, and Vietnam.
I wondered if it would make me envious, these high flyers off to do battle again in the world of commerce. Nope. It reminded  me of how ridiculous my travel schedule was.  I wished them well and gladly drove away.
In some cases the conversation led to my history. One guy led a sales team for a medical device company and of course instantly wanted to talk business with me which was fine, I kind of enjoyed the freedom of the discussion. I enjoyed my anonymity. Here's who I am, here's what I used to do, here's what I think, without ever worrying about who might hear it, what they might think, would it get back to the wrong people, etc. I loved being just some guy driving a truck who happens to know some things about some things if you care to talk to him.
The same thing happened when I went to Starbucks and McDonalds. I felt some sort of commonality with the staff that I hadn't felt before. We were probably serving the same customers. I hope that doesn't come off as haughty or elitist, as if I finally came down from the mountaintop to be with the commoners. It was more like a good reminder to me that I didn't start life off with a suit and a tie and a big job and it's probably good for me not to finish that way either.
Uber suits me, at least for right now.
I am responsible for myself.
I'm working or not working and the two don't mix.
I see my success in getting the customer where they want to go.
I think I will stay with this for awhile.

By The Way

Since some of you have asked, if you'll look on the right hand middle of the blog you will see a box where you can enter your email to be notified of any posts I publish. Thank you for being that interested.

Children

We have three children ranging in age from late 20's to early 30's. Two live in Nashville and the other in Oxford, MS. One is a social worker, one is a commodity trader, and one is a police officer.
We are extremely proud of the fact that we have raised three responsible, hard working adults.
We also have one son in law and he is as close to a third son as we could have. Son in law is a cold legalism that doesn't do justice to the love we have for him.
I couldn't stomach telling them that I lost my job. It was a combination of things.
First, every time I had to tell someone, especially early on, it was like poking myself with a hot stick. I just didn't want to go through it.
Second, after all these years of setting the example for them that I always wanted to set I now had to tell them that somebody had decided I wasn't worth keeping.
Third I think was just the normal fatherly instinct to protect your progeny from any kind of harm.
And finally I kept saying to myself I would tell them once I "got things figured out", in other words I would be able to say yes this happened but.....
And finally, with visit to Nashville on the horizon, I had no choice but to send the email to the 4 of them that I knew I had to send.
The responses came quickly and I learned something right away: waiting to tell 4 of the people who love me the most was dumb. Really dumb.
The words they used and the tone of their voices instantly started to heal me. I can hardly describe it. And instantly I realized, more than ever, what a treasure those kids are.
I even heard some of my own advice coming back to me, things I've said to them over the years when they encountered their own problems in life. It appears not only had they listened but it meant enough to them to recite it back to me in my own time of need. Absolutely priceless.
It was during that Friday morning that I had my only real emotional breakdown of this process. The dam broke and I probably needed it.
I had only experienced that level of emotion 4 other times in my life: the deaths of my three siblings and the death of my mother. I do not suggest that loss of job equates to loss of family, I'm just trying to give you some idea of how I felt on that day in that circumstance.
My siblings were all older than me, 2 married and one single. My married siblings left behind 2 spouses and 8 children. My other brother was engaged at the time. I used to spend a lot of time struggling to understand how one family deserved that fate and how my mother could possibly be asked to endure such a burden. Then one day I gave myself this thought: 'You can't forget your past but you can't relive it every day.'
That Friday morning after talking to my children I reminded myself of that saying. I now had another past to deal with but I wasn't going to relive it every day.

Nashville Food Scene

We have been coming to Nashville since our daughter Sarah moved here in 2005. One of the things we love about it is the food scene which has exploded right along with the rest of the city. I am an eclectic eater. I have enjoyed some outstanding fine dining in the city. Last night I had a second chance to have food from a Nolensville place called Blue Cactus where Cajun meets Mexican. Crawfish and Spinach Enchiladas for example. I love this place and will write about it more in the future.  But today I want to discuss a place near and dear to my heart, with a special menu item that I find irresistible, all for the crazy low price of $1.50 plus tax including drink.

Yes folks, it's the famous Costco Hot Dog Deal.

Will you just look at that thing??!! The onions are fabulous. They bring a hint of White Castle to the meal. It made me think of grilling a split hot dog with onions a la White Castle, I think it would be pretty good. There's a Costco near Sarah and another one near Kenny so I will never be that far from Hot Dog Nirvana.
The benefits of the Earthquake Rebuild Process just keep coming.

The Earthquake

I got fired from my job a couple of months ago. It was unnecessarily unceremonial but basically I was worth something one day and worth nothing the next. A meeting at 4 and it's over by 430. See ya.

It was quite traumatic. I avoided telling my children for a week and would have gone longer if I thought I could hide it. I went several weeks without telling my sisters. Most of my extended family will only learn of it as this blog works it way through the clan. I was ashamed and embarrassed.

Being a CEO (the last 22 years with one organization and the last 20 as CEO) is like living in an earthquake zone. Tremors and shifting ground are part of the deal. If you can't handle that then move somewhere else. You strengthen structures where you can and you always try to assess what tremors pose the most risk and where they might come from.

And then the big one hits and there's not a damn thing you can do.

But I've figured out something. The real question is whether the earthquake just destroys your exterior or does it also tear up your foundation? In other words did the s.o.b.'s damage your soul, or make you question the essence of your being?

No and hell no.

My foundation was untouched but it's taken me awhile to get that and believe it.

Here's what I know about myself:

I'm very smart.

I have the ability to take in huge amounts of information, process it, analyze it, synthesize it, apply it.

I am a learner. I will sink my teeth into something new and I will know a whole lot in a short period of time.

I am intense. Don't tell me to go there if you don't REALLY want me to.

I am direct. Most people claim they want that in communications but when they truly get it it scares them.

I will make decisions. I will explain as best I can but I will make decisions and I will move. People will call that great leadership until you make some bad decisions and then they will say 'Oh I didn't mean you should make THOSE decisions'. Thanks a lot.

I get great satisfaction out of a team's success.

I get great satisfaction from helping other people succeed inn life and business.

I will always put the needs and goals of others ahead of my own.

So the rebuild begins and it will be done upon the very same foundation.

I'm over the trauma of this now. I've never been one to dwell too much on things I can't do anything about.

My wife's not as far along the curve as I am but she's getting there. Her Italian vengeance genes are still running pretty hot. Certain people from my business past would be well advised to avoid her forever. The one thing that would cause her to rise from the dead would be one of them showing up at her funeral.

The benefits of this earthquake are already appearing.

Our long planned relocation to Nashville will be complete in about 2 weeks and about 4 years ahead of schedule. Is there a better part of a foundation that more time with your kids and grandkids?

I'm just now understanding the physical and psychological toll that the last 12-18 months had on me.

A travel schedule that I knew was crazy at the time but looking at it now makes me realize how truly preposterous it was. I just zoned out and did it.

A phone call/text/email/meeting schedule that simply didn't quit 7 days a week. I just zoned out and did it.

Poisonous, manipulative people, still stunning in their sickness.

All that now removed from my life and I am dramatically better for it.

So now I'm job hunting. I've always said I would never retire I would just do something else. That time is now.

 I have the luxury of being able to pick and choose. I have the luxury of time. I have the luxury of changing fields. I have the luxury of placing pay scale of the bottom of my priority list or leaving it off the list completely. I want 2-3 part time jobs that allow me flexibility. I am interested in things that interest me. I am not retired and I am not desperate.

I have 4 criteria that any new job has to meet. These will change over time but right now they are reflective of my recent experience.

1. I don't want to supervise anyone for awhile. I just want to be accountable for myself.

2. I want to clock in and clock out. When I go home I don't want the job to come with me.

3. I want immediate evidence of results. For about the last 30 years I've had jobs where I might not know for years whether a decision was good or bad. I want to be out of that mode for awhile.

4. I want to be curious about or stimulated by the business model of the firm.

My first new job as an Uber driver meets the criteria. I became certified a few weeks ago. I have always been interested in this. I haven't really started yet since we haven't fully moved to Nashville. I drove once just to show some activity. A $5.80 fare. Cleaning up already baby!!

On Friday and Saturday nights I think I'm going to wear some kind of Porter Wagoner style coat, you know the brightly colored sparkly spangly things?

Business cards too. Bon Vivant. Raconteur. Free Professional Advice on Any Topic.

Remember how I said I didn't want the job to come home with me? That one ride made me realize how little I know about downtown Nashville streets. That night I lay in bed reviewing a mental map, 'Broadway runs east west, Ryman is half block north of Broadway and 5th, Demonbreun is 1 block south of Broadway and runs parallel, Hall of Fame is at 5th and Demonbreun,'. Trying to memorize streets and landmarks so I can perform well. The first job came home with me the first damn day. Part of my foundation I suppose.

I've always wanted to mow golf course grass. My son in law's club might have an opening soon so I'm going to apply. I want early mornings. Me, a tractor, a fairway. Up and back, up and back, up and back. Cut grass. Go home. Hopefully meet an interesting collection of young guys and derelicts. If it turns out they're all just guys like me I'l quit. 

The Nashville Sounds are the Triple A baseball affiliate of the Oakland A's. Supposedly a beautiful new ball park. I don't love baseball like I used to but it still holds some appeal. Being an usher would be pretty good but what I really want to be is a parking lot attendant so that's the job I applied for this week. It'll satisfy my need to order people around every now and then, get them parked, go home. 

I enjoy being on stage a little bit so I think I can have some fun by introducing my own brand of dramatic flair to guiding you into that coveted parking spot.

This week I have an interview at a new grocery store about 20 minutes from where we will live. It's a Phoenix based chain opening in Nashville for the first time. I love start ups.

It sounds like they are a better value, less pretentious Whole Paycheck type place maybe?

Anyway I want to work in the Vitamin and Supplement department as a clerk. I know a lot of nutrition stuff, it has long interested me. It's the most popular department in every one of their stores. 

It's a way I can help others. It's another form of healthcare. It's a growing business. I wonder if I can run a grocery store?

I am also hoping they will let me collect carts from the parking lot. I love strongman stuff. Can you imagine getting paid for pushing and pulling heavy weight metal around a parking lot? I would do it for free.

I don't know which of these will materialize. I don't know which of these I will be doing a year from now. Nashville is a vibrant boom town and you can just feel the opportunity here. It's going to come my way. I know it.

I am building a new exterior on my old foundation. I don't know what the finished product is going to look like yet but the process has already started.

So don't worry about me. Ken's coming back.

Post #1

I first had a blog in 2011 called Full Time Thinker. For reasons beyond my technical understanding I am unable to bring it back to life. So sad.
So, given the fact that I am in a "transition" as they say, I am starting a new blog. I know the world has been watching and waiting (see Moody Blues.)
Some topics I anticipate covering in the future:
1. Sadness
2. Happiness (makes up in height for what it lacks in length)
3. Uber driving
4. Mowing golf course grass
5. Nutrition
6. Luck vs. destiny (If I fire my gun does the bullet become what my future was?) I don't own a gun but you get my point.
7. GED vs. high school diploma, in other words how might teen years be best spent in retrospect?